omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
