Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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