Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
