It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
