Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
