apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
