He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
