So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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