Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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