Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
