Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
