I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
