During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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