forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
