You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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