What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
