I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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