Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
