And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
