Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize