i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
