Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
