Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm at about main and main street
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
