She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
