You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
