She is in my trunk
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
