Umm I'm too high to move.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
