Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
