My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
