i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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