I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He shit in the fireplace
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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