I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
