She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
