Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
