just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
