we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
