I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
