well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
