i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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