If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize