just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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