Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
