Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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