It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My legs feel like baby dolphins
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
