...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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