i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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