I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
