I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize