No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
