He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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