Redeem this text for a blowjob
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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