I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
