so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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