maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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