A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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