She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
