Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
