I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
