accomplished twins. life is a go
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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