i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize