can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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