She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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