OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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