I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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