is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
