and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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