I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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