I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
