an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
