worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love having hate sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
